Heavens!

Admittedly, this is a departure from what I usually cover here, but since this is a big gift-giving season, I thought some of you might want to put this little gem on your gimme list.
For the low, low price of only $12.79 (and that's in American dollars!), you can guarantee a spot for yourself or a loved one in heaven! The "essential travel kit" comes with that low price tag, but for a mere $12.16 more, you can get the "all access travel kit."
Both contain a certificate of reservation with a unique I.D. number registered in the Book of Light™ as well as a first class ticket to heaven, the Official Heaven Identification Card (so you won't be hassled as you check out your eternal reward), and the Heaven 101 mini informational guide.
The "all access" kit also contains a VIP pass to the special-access areas of heaven, and includes framing for your ticket and certificate.
But here's the best news — both kits come with a money-back guarantee!
"Come on, Terry," you're thinking. "Don't be a sucker."
The Reserve A Spot in Heaven people are the ONLY official distributors of reservations into heaven. They are directly affiliated with The Board of Heavenly Officials, the only governing body in Heaven.
So there! Ye of little faith!